This week I heard two stories from two different people in two different parts of the country. They have never met or spoken to each other. Yet they got the same infuriating news from their childrens' schools: you are not welcome at your child's graduation. In fact, if you show up, you will be arrested and led away in handcuffs. Both men are registered sex offenders.
Both men were saddened to miss such an important event in their child's life, but were far more concerned with their children's reactions - humiliation, sadness, disappointment, anger. Their children have already been forced to live through the accusations, trial, and incarceration of their fathers. Both children and their mothers already risk their safety simply by sharing a home with their father, because their addresses are publicized on the registry. Now this?
Every day I speak with women whose husbands or boyfriends are barred from living with them because our justice system thinks they will molest or abuse any and all children under 18, even if their previous convictions do not involve children. I even know women who have divorced their husbands and moved away from them; not because they don't love or support each other, but because they were threatened with losing custody of their children if they did not do so. That's right - families literally shredded in half and financially ruined due to our society's method of punishing the poor choices of one parent.
Fathers who do live with their children often cannot accompany them to school or other activities where non-related children may be. This may seem trivial, but think about how many important events in a child's life occur at such places: graduation, of course - as well as plays, sporting events, recitals, and even something as mundane as dropping them off at any of the aforementioned events. If you don't think the police actually enforce these laws, think again. A 31-year-old man in Jacksonville, North Carolina was arrested in January of this year for dropping his daughter off at a Girl Scouts meeting. Can you imagine how frightening and embarrassing this must have been for his young daughter?
Unfortunately, as I've mentioned before, children themselves are not immune to the all-encompassing vacuum of hell that goes along with being forced to register as a sex offender. This 2009 study by the US Department of Justice reveals that not only do children make up about a quarter of all registered sex offenders, they also account for over a third of all sexual crimes against other children. With nearly 750,000 sex offenders on the registry in this country, that means just under 190,000 high-school age children (and younger) are being subjected to a damning lifelong label and punishment. In addition to the crippling effect this has on their futures, what about that of their siblings and parents?
Having an incarcerated or previously imprisoned family member is never easy. However the families of sex offenders are subjected to far more hardship and instability than the families of other felons. I say that all families deserve peace of mind, security and privacy.
A family in the UK with two young children reported that their kids were having difficulty sleeping because they were so terrified of being attacked after an unknown individual posted false sex offender posters and listed their address. But is this not exactly what we are doing to the families of sex offenders right here in the United States? Some argue that it is a worthy price to be paid if it protects just one child. But what about the children of sex offenders - are they exempt from the very laws created to "protect" them? If so, why? Who decides which children, and which people for that matter, are deserving of basic human rights and who are not?
It certainly shouldn't be self-absorbed politicians and lawmakers who directly benefit from laws that reflect nothing but misguided public hysteria.
A day of reckoning is coming for these "behind the scene" cowards that draft and pass these type of "hate laws". Yes.. We want to see your names, and faces... you anonymous, fear-mongering, Constitutionally-ignorant, family-wreaking fools, who HIDE after the damage is done. Stand up and SHOW yourselves... Are you ashamed of what you've doing? Well, you sure as hell should be. I wish for you and your families members the SAME amount of anguish your actions are causing these ex-sex offenders and THEIR families.
ReplyDeleteMy fiance is a registered sex offender and we discussed having more children together. Although we both say one of our biggest regrets is not having known each other years ago and not having had children together, neither of us really wants more kids at this point in our lives. We each have 2 of our own, but would have loved to have his, mine and OURS. Although there are many reasons not to have more children, our biggest reason not to is for the sake of how unfair it would be to have that child and have its father kept from all the important events in its life (plays, sports, graduation, etc). Our kids are all teenagers now and we look forward to our alone time and grandkids in the future but even a relationship with future grandchildren is questionable as DJ won't be able to attend any of those functions. DJ is NOT a threat to anyone but he wears the scarlet letter and so do his children and I and even our future generations. I pray society wakes up and our laws change because every single day families are ripped apart. Yes, sometimes a person is guilty of a crime but 2 wrongs don't make a right and continuing to punish them for life and their families is not helping anyone or protecting anyone.
ReplyDeleteI so agree but whats gonna take to change the laws for john walsh to start crying cause his own family member has to register i mean thats what started in the first place maybe his wige should have kept a closer eye on their child hello it all goes back to better parenting
DeleteI got a letter yesterday from a inmate/penpal, I had told him about a public meeting I had gone to with the head lady who is over our state Register. He told me to ask this question if and when I got a chance.
ReplyDelete"Today, hundred of school children in ---State-- were bullied, harassed, tormented, shamed and degraded, all because a parent of their was listed on your sex offender registry. Some of them has been beaten up. Others may have attempted suicide. Ms..??, could you tell us what you are doing to protect these children, and ensure their safety?"
I can't wait to say that. Very true as to what you wrote. Why should these kids be treated any different then any other kid.
Get this:
ReplyDeleteOne of my friends has been a registered sex offender for a few years now, and he is routinely harassed by none other than the children in his own neighborhood. I know! I've seen it first hand. He says he hasn't had any issues with the adults on the block, but the kids have actually called him by name and attempted to interact with him because there parents have shown them his profile on the registry. Can you imagine! A law intended to protect children is literally enticing them to approach potentially dangerous individuals. My friend isn't going to hurt them (both of us have chased the kids away a few times), but what if they do approach the wrong person? This really is a stupid set of laws. The registry needs to be abolished for everyone's sake.
Shana, I went to the Topix forum and tried to get across to them the truth regarding your fiancé and the damage the registry was doing to society. They simply did not want to hear it. They were abusive and refused to discuss the facts. No matter what I posted, they simply responded by calling me names. Their favorite name to call me was of course pedophile. What was so sad about it is that I posted many times my stance on sex crimes and my belief that no sexually abusive behavior should be tolerated, but they simply ignored these comments and accused me or being a pervert and child molester too. Their logic? Only a child molester would take up for you and your finance. They even posted several pro pedophilia comments as me, like they did you. It was like talking to deeply disturbed people. One person went so far as to say that he did not care how old your fiancé was at the time of the "offense" He did not even care if someone held a gun to his head. As far as he was concerned your fiancé was a pedophile and that was all there was too it. After my experience with these sad souls, I am now more than ever determined to continue my advocacy for registry reform. One last thought. I am sicken by the way WKTV handled your story. Their failure to get the ages and dates right borders on slanderous. God Bless you Shana. Fight on.
ReplyDeleteThank you Micah for trying. However, Topix is a cesspool anyway; like I said in my most recent entry, I would much rather people like that remain stuck in their little elementary school world. After all, they aren't getting any TV interviews, are they? :)
DeleteI appreciate your support and knowledge on this topic. People like YOU are who is going to make a difference.
Yes, that is very true. I've been to other forums in which those who opposed our beliefs were at least somewhat civil about it. In Topix that is impossible. And you're right. At least while we are out making the world better, they're busy making ignorant comments in a forum that nobody takes seriously anyway.
ReplyDeleteYahoo answers is one of the worst places. They are meant to help but just like some other forums the min you mention anything even if it was internet related and they get out the burning torches. It is quite laughable really.
DeleteThese people are meant to be have some intelligence but they turn to savages without examining the facts like all intelligent people are meant to do
The laws in the UK are just as bad. Having lost my little girl who I adored thanks to a report by a so called expert. I now have to go through it again as my new girlfriend is pregnant.
ReplyDeleteI never hid anything from her and even showed her the full psychiatric report when the relationship started.
In the past I performed exceptionally well in group and I attended all sessions. My crime was to get involved with a woman over the internet who sent me indecent images 5 of them. I also sent on one image and that is what got me convicted. This was 9 years ago now.
Since then it doesn't matter how well I did in group Social Services keep on seeing it like I did the crime yesterday. I am off the Register but they keep saying I will always be seen as a sex offender. My girlfriend lost her children due to the local authority not supporting her being with me. Also there being no biological link.
Now this year we are here again. This time my own family has deserted us as my Mother is old and can't cope and my Dad has just had enough. They supported me through the years but at the age of 70 you can't blame them for giving up.
SO far I have not had a single picture of my Daughter and my Mother has been denied the chance to be a Grandmother. I could not even be there at her birth.
I really worry as the SS here are particularly ruthless and the stats are 900 kids taken into care every month now which are record numbers.
The result so far is all my girlfriends kids are in Foster Care and she can't see them till they are 18. Some system that is. The kids are wanting to come home and SS have told them that they can't due to me. So now all the kids hate my guts because they think I am stopping them seeing their Mom.
The thing is that most crimes have a cut off period. But sex crimes are the only crimes where you can still be stigmatized for it years later even if you were only on the register 5 years and completed all the assessments successfully
ReplyDeleteSocial Services are worse than The Police. Even The Police feel that after so long you can be rehabilitated. But SS simply work on the fact that you did it in the past and so you will do it again. It doesn't matter how many tests you take the results are the same.
Is it any wonder that a number of sex offenders left with nothing to look forward to go and do a similar or even worse crime.
Women who want a relationship with you are told the worst possible side to your case. Even if you show them all paperwork the SS will always say you only told them half the story.
Group pointed out to be the error of my ways and that there were real victims beyond those images. I have since moved on and tried to get on with my life. But I have been denied a family. I have been denied the right of a Father to see his little girl or boy grow up have his or her first steps etc.
One Counsellor said that I would be better off single as it would be an easier life. Basically what she was saying was that I could not now have any relationships and must isolate myself from society which is exactly the opposite to the false hope that group taught me.
The little girl that loved me and even brought me something on Fathers Day now has been turned against me by the SS.
Society trusts every other type of crime. But they do not give sex offenders a chance. I was taught in group that Sex Offending was only part of the whole person. I was also taught and told by people that I could have a family one day. That if I worked hard in group that Social Services etc would recognise this and that if assessed to be medium to low which I was would allow me to have a family.
Well if there are any sex offenders here that are just starting group I have to tell you IT IS BULL. You should never listen to them they would tell you anything in order to get you to attend group. Their aim is to give you a false sense of security. The actual fact of the matter is that there is no silver tint in the cloud. You as the Police told me once will always be seen as a sex offender no matter when the crime was done and no matter how hard you try.
Another thing Stop IT now IS another joke. The organisation is meant to stop any sex offending and offer help for ex offenders to get help and rebuild their lives. But I have found that really opening up to them does no good at all. They offered no advice on how to find somebody to prove I am a manageable risk.
I have never touched a child for real and never ever could. The images I saw were virtual and now I realise they were real victims. But no matter how much I say this the SS still thinks I am just trying to put one over them its pathetic.
wow,to all those sex offenders lovers
ReplyDelete, that is the law,to protect the offenders future prey, cause sex offenders are ill, And if you love them you picked them .
Oh, my dear Anonymous...
DeleteDo you even know what a "sex offender" is? Let me guess: you think they all prey on little children. You are wrong.
You love who you love - you don't "pick". I'm not going to stand by and watch MY family and millions of others be destroyed by ignorant people such as yourself.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
You
ReplyDeleteSex offender lover,keep your offender and respect the law cause it protects even your family stupid. Got it, that is why you have problems . it has nothing to do with anybody.
Anonymous, I'm sorry your life is so awful that you need to cut others down to be happy. I'll be praying that someday you find a love that's worth fighting for, like I have.
DeleteThank you,the same goes to you,pray cause, we all need it and I think you need more from the sound of it. And it helps to go to church good luck.
ReplyDelete